**

I promised myself I was over it, told myself that letting it affect me was a stupid waste of time. I told myself I was done, a new day was dawning and I was about to start a new life. I thought I would feel better, happier ... but today, now, this moment all I feel is empty. I don't know what to do.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

First off, I'm back and plan to stay that way for a while. Check out the proliferation of posts below if you haven't been here in a while.
Now ... I started the 365 project before I went on my extended hiatus and was really disappointed because I quit. I even put the camera down other than for work, but I feel the creative juices flowing and I'm ready to get back on the ball. I have decided to start over again and see if I can make it through this time. So that said, here is 1 of 365.

For the scoop on the poop about this thing we call HNT go see Os and tell him you're up. HHNT all!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Yeah ... it's been a while since I've posted or been around to anyone's blog. I am alive but haven't had time to breathe, let alone post anything. "Waaaah! and Boo Hoo!" Right? I thought so.
The appointment Monday went well. I really like the guy ... at least so far. I think we're gonna get along just fine but time will tell. I do have a good feeling though. He took me off my old meds and prescribed a couple of new ones and maybe it's just wishful thinking but they do seem to be making a difference already. Again? Time will tell.
Last week was a hell of a week. I had a ton of stuff to do and was gone for two days. I barely got done with everything and this time layout day was a bitch because of me. I apologize to my coworkers for that and promise to do better next week. Pffft!
Joshua got the call. He leaves for basic training Monday so we've been busting our butts trying to get everything he'll need together and spending time together before he leaves. He's excited and I am excited for him.
I am still doing the 365 Days project, even though I haven't been posting lately. Here is one of the pics I took. This proves that some men DO wash their hands after:

And this one is for someone with a hand fetish ... Oh and it's hockey season in case you haven't heard:

That's about all for now. I'll be back but for the moment, life is just getting in the way. Love Ya'll though and hope your lives and your weekend are going well. Laters

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 3:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I will get to part two of the last post as soon as I can. I also owe Lime a food meme. I'll get to that too, but I just realized My week is fucked already. It starts Monday with my first shrink appointment. I'm a little nervous about it because it's like looking into the abyss. If he says there is nothing wrong, that means it's me and that scares the shit out of me. Cuz that means I would have to nut up and make some changes. Hopefully, he will have the tools in his arsenal to give me to help facilitate that. All this has inspired my 365 Days project today. I call it "Fuzzy Thinking." Wish me luck Monday ya'll and have a good one your self.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 11:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I've been away a couple of days. Sorry. But it's been a hectic end-of the week. I don't even know where to begin so it's just gonna be a bunch of random shit spewed out. Here goes ...

I was dinking around Friday afternoon and found myself in the cemetery again. The pic above is one of the ones I got there. I love the photographic possibilities a cemetery offers. My question is, is it kinda freaky that I spend so much time in them? Or that the fascination with death and dying is such a prominent part of my life? Hmmmmmmmm.
Thursday night, I fucked up. There is no other way to put it. My son worked until 11 p.m. that night. You know I have problems sleeping and take Ambien to help me out. Well when I have to pick him up that late, I can't take the pill because by the time we get back, it's just too late. I would never wake up in time to get to work. So I take my pill just before I get in the car to go get him. Stupid, no? Yes! I figured I would zip down there, pick him up and get back before the shit kicked in. First problem ... he was running late. By the time we started home, I was stoned like a mother fucker! It was so bad that I had to pull over halfway home and tell him to drive. Second problem, he's never driven before. Yes, he is 19. No he doesn't have a license. He has never shown the first interest in driving or even wanting to learn. I don't get it but that's the way it is. It was a scary trip, but we made it home alive. Note to self: NO AMBIEN BEFORE DRIVING ... EVER AGAIN!
I have also missed posting my 365 days for the past few days so here are those:

Thursday

Friday

Saturday. My new shoes. Originally $69.99. I got em for $19.99. Tell me I can't accessorize! Pffft!

I had no stories due Thursday but it ended up being one of the hardest papers we've had to put together in a while. I don't understand it but it was.
I did get pulled off a boring change of command ceremony Friday for another assignment. The marines are training here and I get to follow them around for a story for next week. It's kind of unusual and should be a good article.It may be picked up by Army News so that would be good too. The only thing is, we set this thing up, I got up early Friday and went out there to do my thing ... and they paused the damned exercise! W.T.F.? So now I get to go back out Tuesday and finish up.
I also found out that I could/should/might be going to Fort Lewis, Washington, for a week. It seems that there is a unit there that needs the training we provide at the JRTC but can't make it down here, so like Domino's pizza, we're delivering. I think it's the first time we have ever done anything like this and it should make for a GREAT story! Plus, It means a little money in my pocket. WOOT!
There is just too much to tell in one setting. I'll be back later with the rest. Have a great Sunday ya'll. Laters

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Day 12 finds our intrepid hero at work ... because no one bothered to call him and tell him that he didn't have to be in regular time ... but I digress. No, I don't ya know? Fuck it. I was here two hours early and I'm gonna by-God take care of my plants!

This is one my old editor left for me when she got a new job in Colorado. Hey Karen! It's still alive (which is more than I can say for my Jade plant.) Must mean I like you. Go figger! Here are some other selections that I didn't choose. Enjoy!

Yeah I bit my lip eating a donut this morning. That'll teach me to eat those chocolate covered twists ... next time I'm going for the jelly baby. YEAH!

They say it's all in the way you use your tongue ... or at least that's what SHE said and one thing I've learned over the years is never argue with a woman. Yeah, I ain't totally stupid! Happy Humpday ya'll!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Sorry. Can't talk tonight ... American Idol is on. WOOO-HOOOOO!

Hey while I'm thinking about it .. sign up for my notification thingie in my sidebar. If you don't the terrorists win. Peace Out!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I love getting phone calls from people I care deeply about, don't you? I thought so. On a completely unrelated note, Damn I need to pluck my eyebrows, n'est pas? Kinda getting that Andy Rooney/John Madden thing going here.

Here is an out take:

Happy Monday Ya'll! Ugh, back to work tomorrow and the temp is supposed to stay at freezing. I know that would be like a heatwave to some of you but this is fucking Louisiana, dammit! Oh well suck it up Tommy and put on a sweater. But just in case you don't hear from me? Send the Saint Bernard's in. I like Captain Morgan or Malibu and coke, diet please. Oh and don't forget the caviar and crackers ... for the rescue keg I mean. Just sayin.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 3:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Day 9 ... Sunday ... a day of relaxation ... and self preservation. Everybody else is in the house watching "Grease: You're the One that I Want." That's the "American Idol" (which starts Tuesday I might add. YAY!) ripoff where Broadway hopefuls tryout, go through "Grease Academy" and the public calls in and votes on who will play Danny and Sandi for the Broadway production of "Grease!" Now don't get me wrong! I remember when Grease came out in the theater. I was there several times. I'm not a big fan of musicals but "Grease!" is one of the ones I DO like! I would actually go see the Broadway musical if I were able. I just can't stand another cookie cutter, reality ripoff on TV. I mean, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to original programming? So in order to preserve my sanity for day 9, I grab a book, my smokes, my Diet Coke and head to the back porch to await the rain that's supposed to hit later tonight. It was 77 degrees here today but the storm that's currently moving through Dallas is on the way. I'll just be here reading until it hits. Have a great week ya'll!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 8:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

So I'm just wandering around the internet, minding my own business and who do I happen to run into? My old buddy and that perennial hottie, M.G. Here's looking at you kid!

Hey babe. Come here often?

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 8:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My mom called me the other day with an interesting little bit of information. First, a little background for those that don't know this. I wrote a post about some crosses on the road. I really liked the way it turned out so I cleaned it up and submitted it for publication and my editor like it so it got published.
A little while later, I had actually forgotten about it, I got a letter from a mother of a Soldier who had lost her son to a vehicle accident on post. She was touched and wanted to tell me about her son and the cross on the road that memorialized him. It was really an eye opening moment for me. Kinda made me realize that sometimes, what we do really does matter. Addict has a post where she got the same epiphany.
Well, the editor was touched and thought we should do something on it so we ended up publishing (with her permission) the letter and the back story. It was pretty cool but it kind of made me uncomfortable. It felt almost like tooting my own horn and, I know this may be hard for you to believe, I really don't like doing that or feel comfortable with it. I mean, here on the blog when I talk about how I'm hung like a horse, gods gift to women, blogging or any of a hundred different other things, it's all bullshit ... it's a persona. In real life, I'm much happier to just do my job and sit quietly in the background. I am proud when I tell you about awards I've won, but there is still a part of me that says "Fucker please! Do you really need attention that badly?"
Anyway ... one more post on this and I won't bring it up again. Apparently, some of the rescue workers that worked the scene that night remembered and were touched by the woman's story. They asked us for her number and got in touch with her and kind of put some closure to the whole ordeal.
Apparently that wasn't all they did. Mom called and told me that she drove by it and someone mowed around it, repainted it and just fixed it up really nice. It was the firemen and rescue workers. It just amazes me that all this came from a single post that was just a bunch of shit in my head that I vomited onto the screen. Life is funny that way I guess. That story inspired my 365 Days portrait today, so here goes.

Have a good weekend, ya'll!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 6:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Day 6: Tommy is futzed up! But he'll survive.

Well it's official. Josh was sworn in to the U.S. Air Force today. He just got back from New Orleans and we will go over his contract in the morning to find out what his ass let them talk him into. I'll let you know ... or not ... whatever. Hee! So it's day six and Thursdays are layout day. Today was a bitch but hey, it's over right? Had three stories I had to get done between yesterday and this morning but damn it, I did it. I really need to stop procrastinating ... I think I'll start tomorrow.
I apologize. I am just fucking wiped this evening. Don't tell him but this thing with Josh has been wearing on my mind. I have no problem with him going in the military. I just didn't want him to get screwed so I've been worried about that. And then, there is my mom and sister who are dead set against it. They are sure he's gonna be patrolling Sadr City looking for bad guys with an M-16 strapped to his ass. They mean well but really? They should shut the fuck up and let him live his life. For the past three weeks, I have been bombarded by them wanting to know what I was going to do about this outrage ... this affront to their sensibilities. I really don't understand it. My dad was in the Army for 26 years. Flew helicopters in Vietnam during the war. I served for ten years. Served in the first Gulf War. I don't remember anyone shitting bricks about that. Okay, I know mom was worried sick the whole time dad was in 'Nam. I mean who wouldn't be. But I would say, looking at the big picture, the military has been damned good to us all!
And you know what? The boy is 19 years old. I can't hold his hand. I can't live his life for him. I can't ask him to live his life according to my wishes. He has to be a man and live his life the way he wants to. Make his own mistakes. Know the sweet taste of his victories. Learn what life is all about, grab it by the balls and shake every bit of essence he can out of it. HE was the one that came up with this. He decided that's what he wanted to do and he fucking did it. There was no prompting from me. I didn't guide him. I gave advice when he asked for it and warned him that the recruiters were going to try and get him to do what they wanted him to do. But he went down to New Orleans, got what he wanted and I'm fucking proud of him. It's done. It's over and there is no changing it or turning back now. He is on the verge of a great adventure and I couldn't be prouder. I'm sorry ... it's just been a stressful week and I needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Have a great Friday ya'll!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 11:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Yeah ... it disgusts me too. It really makes me feel weak. I quit drinking cold turkey and haven't gone back yet that's been almost six months ago and I really feel good about that. Now if I could just get this monkey off my back, I'd be fine. I'm gonna try ... soon. What am I talking about? Have a look-see:

Shit. I wouldn't wanna kiss that either. BLEH!

Oh, and this? Cracks my shit up! Reminds me of, well ... me!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 11:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

First off, If you are a friend of Betchacantguesswho's, go here and then take a minute to say a little prayer won't you?
Okay, today was my 45th birthday. It was great! Thanks to everyone who took the time to make it a good one. I was IM'ed and left an e-card first thing this morning, I got another e-card and a gift certificate to Amazon.com from a special friend and my mom surprised me with a party at her office. She told me she was going to buy me lunch and asked what I wanted. You know? Birthdays really aren't a big deal for me. Haven't been for a long time, so I told her to just pick something. Anything would be fine with me. Well, when I walked into her office at noon, the whole office sang "Happy Birthday" to me, they had a crock pot full of barbecue waiting as well as a cake and a Boston creme pie! Thanks mom!
There were also plans for Duck a L'orange, bacon wrapped asparagus and parsley potatoes for my birthday dinner. Small change in plans. First, both the boys were here so I wasn't alone all night. Second, the asparagus looked like shit and was expensive as hell. Now, I don't mind paying for asparagus or any other fresh vegetable for that matter, but if I'm gonna shell out the ducks (no pun intended), it needs to at least LOOK fresh ... you listening Wal-Mart?
I also changed my mind on the duck preparation. I ended up making Chinatown Steamed and Roasted Duck with parsley potatoes. Damn, it really turned out GOOD! Here's a pic of the finished product before we demolished it.

Another thing I got today was my new glasses. I got a call at work that they were in so I went and picked them up. Yeah, I'm definitely 45. My eyes (at least my close vision) have deteriorated over the past year. I am pleased to say, however, that there was no sign of any diabetes-related problems developing inside the eye and, with the new glasses, I see much better. So for today's 365 Days I present you with my new specs!

Sexy huh? Pffft! Have a good one ya'll and thanks again! Laters.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 9:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

So ... It's here. Just another day that's not much different than any of a number of other days in the year. I'll get up, brush my teeth, shower, shave and head to work. While at work I'll get a little bit done (as little as I can get away with), go on an interview, write a story and try and figure out what the hell I'm gonna do for another assignment that's due by Thursday.
I'll field a few phone calls, take a long lunch hour that I'll spend with my mom. I'll let her buy me lunch like she is wont to do on occasion. There will be some blogging, some IMing, some e-mailing. I might take off early and come home.Joshua and my wife will be at work, Ryan will probably be hanging out with his GF so I will be home alone.
I have a duck thawing out that should be ready to cook by tomorrow afternoon. I think I'll use my new silicone cake pans that my sister got me for Christmas and bake me a cake. I have a lemon cake mix and a can of cream cheese frosting I need to use up. Cheating? Using a mix like that? Yeah, I agree. But did I mention I'm going to be making Duck a l'orange, bacon wrapped asparagus and parsley potatoes? I think I can live with cheating like that ... this time. Besides, it's gonna be a layer cake ... with two layers .. so that counts for something, doesn't it? I'll eat, blog, IM some more and maybe finish up the book I'm reading, take my Ambien and head to bed once the pills kick in. Just call me Mr. Excitement!
Just a day like any other day ... except this day is my birthday. Tuesday a pirate (or a douche bag, depending on your perspective) looks at 45 and that's what I've chosen as my 365 Days submission for today.

365 Days: Day 3, Tommy looks into the eyes of middle age, and surprisingly? He's okay with that.

And here are the outtakes.

Have a great day ya'll.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

365 Days: Day 2 finds our intrepid hero scarfing down about six scoops of Blue Bell Chocolate Brownie Explosion Ice Cream. **shudder** Wow! I think I just had a mini orgasm typing that! This shit is good! Let me go clean up while you check out the pic. Later ya'll.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Yep ... I jumped on the bandwagon and have joined the ranks of those taking part in the 365 Project. That's where you take a self portrait every day for an entire year. Should be interesting. Here is Tommy: Day 1

Tommy: Day 1 a la MG

This also feeds into my laziness. (see previous post) I now have SOMETHING I can post every day this year! Woo-Hoo! Yay me! Have a great weekend ya'll

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)