**

We got a lot of wind, a little rain and not much else. The electricity went out for about an hour and a half, but that was the worst of it.

Well not really.

My office is on the second floor of our building. Everybody who lives in tornado country knows that the safest place to ride out a tornado is on the lowest floor of the building you are in. You should find a windowless room in the center of the building and hide under a desk or other similar cover and put pillows and blankets on top of you.

They say a tornado sounds like a train coming through. Well, I worked a 12-hour shift while Hurricane Ike was coming on shore (6 p.m.-6 a.m.). My responsibility was to update the crawl on the bottom of the Camp Swampy TV channel when new information came in. One of the things I updated was that "If a tornado forms on Camp Swampy, a siren will sound. If you hear the siren, take shelter immediately!"

So I'm sitting in my office watching "The Fantastic Four" on DVD (at about 3:30 a.m.) and the siren goes off. That means a tornado has formed in our area (just in case you missed the part above about the siren). I run next door to the TV station (also on the second floor) and start updating the crawl. I am the only one in the building so it's pretty quiet but I have been worried about the tornado thing ... because I'm on the second floor ... again ... obviously.

Suddenly, I hear this "freight train" sounding noise coming from behind me. I am FREAKING OUT! I'M ON THE SECOND FLOOR! WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE? I rush and get as much of the update on the screen as I can and notice that the sound isn't getting louder.

It was the freaking window unit air conditioner ramping up.

I think I peed my pants a little bit.

Thank you God ... even though you hate me.

By the way. I'm divorcing my wife and devoting my life to wooing this woman as the mother of my kids:

Just sayin ...
(Graphic courtesy of Rachel Lucas)