**

The boys and I are sitting around the house last night when the doorbell rings. I have to tell you, we are pretty solitary people here and that is a fairly uncommon thing when the doorbell rings.

Ryan immediately runs into the living room hollering "I GOT IT!" There is a short pause and I get up to go see who has disturbed the sanctity of my castle. As I turn the corner, Ryan screams into the house "JOSH! The COPS ARE HERE FOR YOU!"

I turn the corner just in time to see a sheriffs deputy with a sheaf of papers in his hands and the blood drains out of my face.

I have to tell you that my kids (knock wood) have never been in trouble a day in their lives, Very unlike their dad. Which leads me to believe that the beer man in Germany and the water guy in California had more than a passing relationship with Missus Gun, but that's another story.

Oh yeah! I also should mention that a few weeks ago I got a call.

Me (not recognizing the local number on my caller ID): "Hello?"

Her: "Yes sir, Who am I speaking to?"

Me: "This is Tommy Gunn, who is this?"

Her: "This is Deputy Dawgette, dispatcher for the Beauregard Parish Police Department. Do you live at 1313 Mockingbird Lane?"

Me: "Um ... no, I live at 1113 Mockingbird Lane. Is there a problem?"

Her: "Well we received an alarm from the ABC Alarm Company saying there was a break-in at 1313 Mockingbird Lane and there is no 1313 Mockingbird Lane. We were wondering if it was your castle."

Now mind you, Josh was the only one home at the time. He was getting ready to go to work.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry I can't help myself, he was fucking asleep when the cops came to the door. I can just imagine his dopey, half-asleep ass being confronted by the cops! Hee, hee, hee. But, again, I digress. Back to the story ...

Her: "Hang on sir, I'm calling the alarm company."

There was a long pause while she conversed with the alarm company and then came back on the line with me.

Her: "Okay sir. Apparently the alarm company had the wrong address."

Me: "Duh! because I don't even have an alarm system, bitch!" Okay, It was more like "I know ma'am, because I don't even have an alarm system." But you get the point.

So back to the story. Where were we ... Oh yeah ...

So Ryan is screaming that the cops were there for Josh as I'm turning the corner for the front door. Josh follows behind me and suddenly screams "THEY BETTER NOT BE!"

***

***

***

The blood continues to drain out of my face as I see Deputy Dawg standing on the porch with a sheaf of papers in his hand, looking embarrassed. I heard something else at that time. I heard the thoughts of the deputy like he had spoken the words aloud. I heard him think "Oh yeah, we're definitely putting this house on the watch list!"

Jesus ... could my kids have made bigger asses out of themselves? I mean, why didn't Ryan just scream "JOSH! THE PIGS ARE HERE FOR YOU!" and Josh respond "DUDE! LET ME SHUT DOWN THE METH LAB!" Again, they have never been in a day of trouble in their lives. I just don't understand their willingness to embarrass the shit out of me at every opportunity.

The deputy was there to serve Josh papers for Jury Duty. He has to report Monday. One thing I am most proud of him for, is that he registered to vote as soon as he was able and has voted in every election since then. This is his first opportunity to perform a duty that many consider a burden but is, in fact, an honor as an American citizen. He is looking forward to it.

And that makes all the other shit seem inconsequential.

Welcome to responsible citizenship, Josh.