**

Okay ... so we've established that son number one is a total dorkbutt. On to son number two.

The same weekend Josh pulled his crap, Ryan was hanging around the house. It was Saturday and about 6:30 p.m., the doorbell rings. It was the non-girlfriend girlfriend and her boyfriend.

They came in and hung out for a while watching TV and BS-ing. They asked if Ryan could go hang out with them. I don't care. I trust him and they are pretty good kids. So I told him to be home by about 10:30 p.m.

He snapped back, smart ass that he is, "Uh ... MIDNIGHT!" I looked at him with that "you bore me look" on my face and said "What-evah!"

9:30 rolls around ... no Ryan. 10:30 ... ditto. So I'm a little peeved cuz I know he's gonna come home at midnight and say "I said midnight and you said 'whatever!'" So I'm ready for that.

Midnight rolls around ... STILL no Ryan. Okay .. you remember the last post where "blood was pooling in my eyes and leaking out my ears?" Well add my rectum to this episode and you'll have a good idea what was going through my mind. Now he doesn't have a cell phone so I couldn't call him and I don't know the number of the house he was at so I couldn't call there. I just couldn't get in touch with him ... this time.

Long story short, I stayed up till 1:30 waiting on him and then got up every half hour after that to check on him. I also made sure that every door and window in the house was locked so he would have to wake someone to let his ass in.

At 2:45 I got up because I thought I heard something. I caught Ryan coming out of the bathroom (Josh apparently let him in.) A screaming match ensued but we all eventually went to bed ... about 3:15.

The next day, as we are leaving church, he holds his hand out expecting the keys to the car. I told him no because that would be like rewarding him for his total fuck up the night before. See where this is headed?

Apparently it was my fault that he had to stay out until 2:30. I mean, it had to be. It wasn't HIS fault that he was that late. You see, he didn't have a watch so he didn't know what time it was. He couldn't call me to come get him because not only did he not have a cell but he also forgot my number. And lets not forget, he doesn't have a car (again my fault) and God forbid he should ask his friends to take him home cuz that would just be rude while they are having such a good time!

Lets see, what else? Oh! In the past, I've said I was going to do things that I didn't do for whatever reason. I think that was the cork in the bottle ... the final nail in the coffin of who's fault it was. Mine ... all mine!

I know it is just a cliche, but I really do know why tigers eat their young.

I'm going to bed now. I have a splitting head and a raw throat and have had for the past couple of days.

Lord? I could use a little help here if you ain't to busy. And if you are? Well, then obviously this whole mess is YOUR fault. Wake me when you have it all cleared up, okay? Thanks for listening.