**

She got a Mac laptop. Seventeen inch wide-screen, dual core Intel Centrino processors ... really a sweet machine. I spent yesterday afternoon and evening helping her set it up as she has never worked on a Mac before. It has two years left on the warranty ... and it was given to her. Free of charge. I'm so fucking jealous I could spit.

A small part of me ... a very small part of me thought about reconciling with my wife and seeing if we couldn't work it out. While I was there last night, we talked ... really talked. More openly and more honestly than we have in probably 20 years. I found out some things that really shocked me about her. I'm still trying to digest them, but I'm good with it. The end result is, we now both realize that It's over, no chance for kissing and making up. And you know what? I'm really okay with that.

I went to church today, on my own initiative, for the first time in years. Talked to the preacher on-on-one and may be going back to talk to him again later this week. It took every fibre of my being to take that first step. Now I just have to see if I have the balls to put the next foot forward. On a side note, Ole Blue, commented on my last post that " I did not read the handbook. I thought it may be a trick to lure me into a cult." You know? Some of the things that went on this morning kinda made me feel the same way. Does that make me a raving hypocrite? Seeking out the preacher's council while feeling a little dirty about the service? Well, it wouldn't be the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last.

That's about it. Toodles for now.