Yeah, I know ...
Pretty fucking stupid ... a 45 year old man getting all gushy over a stupid book, huh?
So, I'm over it now. Time to grow up, I guess, and get back ... or maybe "get started" would be a better choice of verbiage, being an adult.
I'm realizing some things ... having a self awakening, if you will ... about myself. I've been doing a lot of soul searching ... really looking at myself without the rose-colored glasses that we normally see ourselves through. I just don't know if I like what I see. No ... that's not true.
I know I don't like what I see.
The thing is, I don't really know what to do about it.
See, the life I live, the life I allow myself to continue living, how my life has turned out and the mark I'm making on the world ... well, lets just say that, when I compare my life and my achievements to the lives and achievements of others, in my eyes, I come up on the very, very short end of the stick.
Compared to the rich lives others live, their happiness and accomplishments, mine feels like the sticky-ass change and hair-covered mints you find in the deepest recesses of the couch or in the bottom of your purse. I feel like a sham.
I've pissed it away.
The clock is ticking faster and faster.
I'm running out of time, falling farther and farther and I can't see the bottom.
There is nothing to grab on to to slow me down and no way to break the fall, let alone reversing the process and climbing out.
I feel broken.
I can't figure out how to fix it.
I'm really fucking sick of feeling like this.
And I'm sorry to have put you through it.
Comments
Well, at least we arent alone in this feeling, right?
:)
hugs...
Posted by: MG | July 26, 2007 7:58 PM
ok, so i can;t crawl into the dark recesses of your soul, that's for yo uand god to hammer out. but i can look and see the amazing changes in a positive direction you have made over the last year...just one foot in front of the other each day in that direction...ok?
Posted by: lime | July 26, 2007 9:18 PM
Geez...you beat yourself up better than I beat my sorry self up...give yourself a small break...then dive in & make some small changes...then smile.
Posted by: Chick | July 27, 2007 7:47 AM
I tried to leave a comment last night, guess it didnt work, was just sayin....
"at least we arent alone in this" ;)
Posted by: MG | July 27, 2007 10:06 AM