Driving me crazy ...
I gave my two sons driving lessons over the weekend. I ask you? Is it any wonder my hair is going gray?
Goddess Clairol and sister Maybelline, name thy sacrifice to return to me the thick, dark, single color, Sampson-like tresses of my youth.
God of the Airbag, give me strength and patience. Help me as I travel life's highways ... as a passenger ... with a 16 year old in control of a 3,000 pound bullet that still has several payments left on it. Don't blow up in my face at 200 miles per hour because the fruits of my loin are turning up the radio to catch My Chemical Romance's "Welcome to the Black Parade" instead of concentrating on staying as far away from telephone poles as possible.
Protect me from teen drivers who think that they can drive because they've been playing "Need for Speed Underground" on the Playstation 2 for the past six months and "outran at least a thousand cops without getting in a single wreck."
Oh, and world peace would be nice too ... and getting laid. Or at least a blowjob. Just askin' but thy will be done..
Amen
Comments
oh my stars, i've been making similar supplications as well. not to mention trying to figure out how to finance the increase in car insurance...hhm....you need a bj and to get laid, i need money....what can we work out here. lmao.
good luck to the boys. and better luck to you.
Posted by: lime | April 16, 2007 6:27 PM
heh. Welcome to the world of "Oh shit, I have to teach my kid to drive". After teaching 2 daughters to drive, I have gained a few pearls of wisdom. I will now share them with you.
**You will leave permanent fingerprints on the dash from clutching it so hard.
**You will damn near punch a hole in the floorboard with your foot that will continually stomp on a brake that is not there.
**That vein in your forehead you never knew was there will now pop out everytime someone mentions the words drive, passenger, lesson, or car.
**That old saying, "When I'm driving, we listen to MY music!" Will come back to haunt your ass.
**You will immediately up your life insurance policy after the first lesson is over.
**You will obtain a large life insurance policy on the boy after the first lesson on "left hand turns at a busy intersection." Why? Because you realise if his driving doesn't do him in, you just might.
**Valium...lots of valium, and maybe even some paxil too.
Well, that should get you through the first week. After that, you're on your own. After the first expressway lesson with teenage daughter # 1, I was declared insane.
;)
*muah* Glad to see you back and good luck TG.
Posted by: Chris | April 16, 2007 6:50 PM
Oh god. I've only got 8 more years. May Clairol have mercy!
Posted by: Beth | April 16, 2007 9:49 PM
with two teens at home i have prayed that prayer many a time!
well except for the blog job and all..but the getting laid part sounds ok. :)
Posted by: sandi | April 17, 2007 6:58 AM