Future Plans and Karma ...
warning: What follows is long and gets very deep and personal. I really get emotionally nekkid. Toward the end of this post you may get pissed off and some of you may not want to know me or have me as a friend anymore. If that's the way it ends up, that's okay. I'm a big boy and can handle it. Just don't say you haven't been warned.
I have applied for a job in Irving, Texas and am under consideration for that. I don't know when I'll find out about it and I may not get it at all. Who knows. I know that if I do get it, it will mean a chance to go back to school and get a degree in a field I want it in. There are several colleges including the University of Texas that I could choose from and it would be much easier than trying to go online and having to choose the lesser of several evils.
Until then I still want to learn so I have been taking online computer classes in web design from a community college in Dallas. I am also taking a photoshop class and really hope to boost my web design skills and maybe even start a business on the side one day.
In the meantime, while I am stuck here in Hicksville, I have an opportunity to do something I know I would absolutely LOVE doing. One of the colleges on post offers an associates degree in culinary arts. It specializes in pastry making and, oh yeah, in case I forgot to mention it? I.LOVE.TO.BAKE! I'm damn good at it too.
My favorite new show on the Food Network is called "Ace of Cakes." It stars Duff Goldman, a rock 'n roll, welder who owns Charm City Cakes in Baltimore. They make extreme cakes and Duff has become my new hero since the show's inception. I wanna be like him when I grow up. So I think I am putting the Master's degree on the back burner and enrolling in culinary school. I will get the Master's degree if it takes me until I'm 50, but I am going to do this first.
The Karma part
I was talking to a couple of fellow bloggers today and one of them brought up the subject of karma. She said she must have done some really nasty shit in a former life because she was still paying for it in this one. That really got me to thinking. I have had something happen to me lately that proves to me that karma is biting me right in the ass.You know that I am getting divorced. Well it's been coming for about ten years now. See ten years ago I had an affair. It lasted about a year and I finally got caught. The kids were younger then and my wife and I decided to stay together and work it out. Fast forward ten years. I meet another girl. I fell in love with this girl, hard. She was smart, beautiful, strong, funny ... I don't want to say everything I was looking for, becasue I don't think I was looking for anything in particular at the time. We complemented each other so well, it just seemed that we were meant to be together. She felt like home to me.
My wife found out the depth of my feelings for her and for a few months we went back and forth. She told me I had to give the girl up. That was the only thing that would fix our marriage. I chose not to give her up and the decision to divorce was the result of that choice.
What's my point? Well for one thing, I know exactly how my wife felt when she found out about us. It doesn't feel very good and I'm sorry I did that to her. I'm not looking to get back together with my wife. Our marriage is over and it's totally my fault. She will never be able to trust me again and I can't fault her for that nor can a marriage survive that lack of trust. It's something that can't be gotten over. She is the innocent in all this in that she never was unfaithful in the 21 years we were married. The marriage wasn't perfect but she was true through it all.
I know some of you will see me in a different light now and may not want to come by, talk to me or have me as a part of your circle. That's okay and I will understand if that's the way you feel.
Just a few words of warning from a man who has learned a valuable lesson late in life. Karma is a real bitch and will bite you in the ass if you give it a reason to. Trust me on this, the scales have to be balanced and the pendulum is cutting my ass in half as we speak. So be careful how you live your life and try to live a good one.
If you stuck with me through all this, thank you. I needed to get that off my chest. It's been eating at my guts for a month or so. But now it's time for me to shut the fuck up and get on with life. The scales are out of balance and I need to do something to fix that. I wonder if I could bribe the gods with a nice slice of homemade cheesecake. Hey, it can't hurt can it?
Comments
((((((Tommy)))))))
Karma works both ways you know.....
You ARE a good person, mistakes or not and that will come back to you.
Posted by: sandi | October 24, 2006 10:28 PM
Oh darlin...we ALL make mistakes. And it's how we learn. Unfortunately sometimes shit happens in the process. I certainly don't think less of you....I admire you for having the balls to write that for the world to see. :) Hang in there!!
Posted by: c | October 25, 2006 12:12 AM
That comment was from me....I forgot to type my name...hehe
Duh!!
Posted by: chelle | October 25, 2006 12:13 AM
Make it chocolate cheescake and I am sure it will better your case T!
Posted by: The Melody Censaor | October 25, 2006 12:25 AM
Cheesecake fixes everything! ;)
Posted by: Seamus | October 25, 2006 3:22 AM
First, although I do watch the food network, I've never seen that show, and as I love to make cakes, I'll have to look for it.
Second, I hope you aren't too hard on yourself. Life is hard, and we've all made choices, not all of them good. But you can never judge anyone else's marriage - we all make mistakes. I don't think you have to worry too much about karma - finding your own happiness is not a bad thing. I wish you luck.
Posted by: jay | October 25, 2006 3:34 AM
Tommy,
I'm going to em you privately but I do want to say...we all love you, dude.
Posted by: Felicity | October 25, 2006 5:21 AM
I'm going to look for that show and if it's not on too late or on a dance night I'll check it out. The only problem with me watching a cooking/home improvement/decorating show is that they make me want to do things that I don't have the capability or cash to do :) So I tend to avoid them.
Choices choices... We all make them and some of us are man enough to accept responsibility for them, good or bad. I'm glad to know that you are one of those men that do not run or try to blame the end results on someone else. That shows a considerable amount of personal integrity that is missing in a lot of people these days.
Luv ya hon.
Posted by: Deb | October 25, 2006 5:24 AM
takes a big man to be able to admit that publicly and not try to defend yourself by suggesting some inadequacy on your wife's part as the reason. still here for you and hoping at least that the split can avoid acrimony.
and best wishes on the job and school goals too.
Posted by: lime | October 25, 2006 7:09 AM
Who can say that they don't have shit they've done or choices they've made that they're not proud of?
You'll get no judgement from me TG.
Posted by: flygirl | October 25, 2006 7:29 AM
Sweets, we have all done things we're not proud of. I am in no position to judge you, nor would I even have the desire to. I like you for exactly who you are, warts and all.
And I don't know about the gods, but you could damn sure bribe ME with a cheesecake ;)
Posted by: Biscuit | October 25, 2006 8:19 AM
first, props on the future plans! sounds like some great stuff you've got going on.
second, we all make mistakes hon. if karma was to try to get even with us for all the mistakes we make? damn, but the world would truly be miserable. life goes on...
Posted by: leen | October 25, 2006 8:57 AM
We have all done things that we're not proud of...
The thing is to try and learn from our mistakes. Being able to admit that you were wrong makes you a bigger man than most.
Best of luck on the job and school plans.
Posted by: Virginia | October 25, 2006 9:12 AM
My middle daughter's favorite show is "The Cake Decorating Championships".
Tommy, no one is perfect. Owning up to your faults and mistakes, learning from them, and moving on is huge growth. It also takes a hell of a man to do so. Good on ya honey.
No matter what, I'll always be your friend...especially if you are serving cheesecake! :-P
*hugs*
Posted by: Chris | October 25, 2006 11:31 AM
All I got out of that post was "cheesecake"
Mmmmm...
Oh yeah, there was some stuff in there about karma and past wrongs but let's get back to the cheesecake.
;)
(I still heart you honey)
Posted by: Rachel | October 25, 2006 12:01 PM
wow, sorry to hear what you're going through, tommy. I'm not going to point fingers because I know how hard being faithful is. I honestly don't think people were meant for marriage and long-term commitment. after all, we're only animals and you don't see other animals getting married. :D
Posted by: Dawn (webmiztris) | October 25, 2006 1:09 PM
Listen, shit happens, things go awry, we just drive on I guess.
I admire your honesty. I do not look down upon you, I look up to you because you are hosest. Thankyou.
Oh and yea...like a poli Sci major helped me! LOL
I do wish I had a masters, actually a doctorate. Soon man real soon.
Posted by: oleblue | October 25, 2006 1:41 PM
you'll have to do something much worse than that to get rid of me
we all make mistakes, some mistakes just have harder consequences...
thanks for sharing :)
oh and by chance, do you ever listen to Jim Gaffigan? ;)
Posted by: MG | October 25, 2006 3:26 PM
O.k. from the top ... People I can attest to this man's ability to cook and if he had more time to cook, my closet would suffer.
On the defensive, I AM STUDYING MIL. HIST. TG. Did you not think I would see that comment! You better have some good chocolate when I get to your office! The cheap shit won't work this time.
As for karma, well who made her (or him ?) the boss. I will forgive all previous poor decisions/mistakes if you make that spicy cheesecake again ... and where are the Friday donuts??? (We'll talk later!)
If everyone was perfect ... well they'd be me and there can only be one princess. The best thing is to learn from your mistakes, get back on the horse and ride off into the sunset ... with a stash of cheesecake of course!
Posted by: rose_michelle | October 25, 2006 3:58 PM
Hey, Tommy.
Haven't you heard? The gods are crazy. No use trying to appease them.
Posted by: Kim | October 25, 2006 5:22 PM
Tommy,
When you know better,
you do better.
When you know more,
you do more.
Don't sweat petty things,
Don't pet sweaty things........
Just a few words of semi-wisdom!
Posted by: jp | October 27, 2006 9:38 AM