EDIT: I tried to post this yesterday but had a major meltdown with my FTP client. So a day late and a dollar short ... here you go.

Alas Poor Yorick ...

Hope yours was as good as you wanted it to be. We had five whole visitors!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 9:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

**ahem** I got two words for ya. Ready? Here goes ...

Joe Muggs' Raspberry Mocha coffee with whipped cream is the nectar of the Gods. In fact three out of four higher level deities gave it a rousing thumbs up. "You should have at least two cups a day," said Apollo. Aphrodite concurred. "Girls, this is the accessory you just can't afford to be without." Jesus and Allah were too busy debating the relative merits of whipped cream to pause and give a quote, but both certainly agreed that "This stuff is the shiznit! 'Fo shizzle!" Available inside a Books a Million near you.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Carry on ...

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Just found out I wasn't selected for that job I applied for in Irving, Tx. Bad news for me but I'm sure it makes a couple of people very happy. Sometimes it doesn't seem like I can buy a fucking break. Again karma coming back to bite me in the ass ... well either that or God just hates me and has it in for me. Sorry I'm such a fucking whiny bitch but that's the way this makes me feel. Ah, fuck it. I'll be better tomorrow or the next day. Happy Halloween ya'll.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Ok. I've been using Bloglines as a feed reader for a while now and really like how it works. I have spent the past couple of days adding all of you to my bloglines blogroll. What does that mean? Well blog lines looks all over the web and every time you post a new post, your name is bolded on the roll. If you read a lot of blogs, it would be worth checking out. It is also good if you don't have much time to surf blogs. It saves the time of going to everyones site only to find out they haven't posted in three days. The end result is that I will be a more efficient blogger and should get around to your blogs more frequently. You might wanna check it out if you find yourself not getting around as much as you used to. I love it and I think you will too. Happy Halloween!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 9:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have been spending a lot of time lately cooking deserts. Today I made a mandarin orange cheesecake and some homemade peanut brittle. Here is the cheesecake I made.
The first thing you need to do is gather the ingredients and get your mixer ready.

Now you don't have to have a Kitchenaid mixer to do your cooking, but I think it's the best investment I've ever made for my kitchen and wouldn't give mine up for the world. A hand mixer works just fine or you could do it the real lo-tech way and mix the batter by hand. Ingredients include graham cracker crumbs, butter, flour, cream cheese, sour cream, 1 egg and vanilla extract.

Melt 3 tablespoons of butter (put it in the microwave for 30-40 seconds) and add it to 1 cup of graham cracker crumbs and 2 tablespoons of sugar. Mix until moist and place in the bottom of your pan. I use a spring form pan sprayed with Pam and put a circle of parchment paper on the bottom. I use the flat bottom of a stainless steel measuring cup to press the crust in evenly. After that I lined the crust with a can of drained Mandarin orange slices. Put 2-8 oz packages of room temperature cream cheese, 1 1/4 cups of sour cream, one egg and 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract. I also added one teaspoon of orange extract. I prefer to use orange zest but didn't have any oranges handy. Mix this until it's smooth and creamy.

While the batter is mixing, sift 1 cup of sugar and 6 tablespoons of flour through a screen strainer/sifter to remove lumps and ensure a smooth consistency. I like to sift it onto a flexible plastic cutting board to make it easier to add to the batter. Once the batter is smooth and creamy, add the flour and sugar and fold into the batter until smooth again. This can be done with the mixer but I do it by hand. I find that if I use the mixer, it over-beats the batter which causes the cheesecake to crack which is not pretty. Of course it tastes just as good so if you don't mind the cracks, go for it.

Once the batter is smooth, pour it into the pan and smooth it out. The oven should be preheated to 350 degrees by this time. I use a water bath to help the cake to stay moist and prevent cracking. This is just water in a Pyrex bowl placed on top of a pizza stone. Bake the cheesecake for 45-50 minutes, checking it occasionally.

While the cheesecake is baking, it's time for the most important job of the day ... cleaning up your mess and putting things away. I like to make sure there will be no excess batter around to draw ants or other critters. What's the best way to do that? Lick the bowl, beater and spatula of course. Hey it's all in the name of sanitation I say. Once the cheesecake has cooked for 45-50 minutes, the center should be firm and it should be browning and pulling away from the sides of the pan. At this point, turn off the oven and open the door to the first open point. Allow the cake to cool for 15 minutes in the oven. After that, remove the cheesecake to a wire cooling rack until completely cool. Place in refrigerator and chill until ready to serve. Enjoy. So that's all there is to it and I'll bet it'll be the best cheesecake you ever had. If you are on a diet or just feel guilty about eating it, use low-fat sour cream and low-fat cream cheese. It will have less calories and taste just as good as the full fat version. You can also try different flavors for it. Melt some chocolate in a double boiler and let it cool down. Pour it in the cheesecake batter and swirl with a toothpick before baking, zest a lemon and add the zest to the batter, melt your favorite fruit jam, add and swirl with a toothpick ... the possibilities are endless. If you want a copy of the recipe, just ask in the comments. Now get in the kitchen and get to cooking. It ain't rocket science after all and you may just have the time of your life. See ya!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

I was the only one home today. Wife and son 1 had to work and son 2 had a band festival out of town. So I decided to head to my old hometown for a little retail therapy. I went to Books-a-Million and got the next two installments of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton.
From there it was on to Bed, Bath and Beyond where I picked up a few odds and ends. I got a silicone loaf pan (I have the silicone muffin pan and it ROCKS! I'm gonna make some bread to(day)morrow just to try it out. I'll let you know.) I also got a triple timer, a candy thermometer and some new measuring spoons. God! I'm moist just thinking about it. (I know I'm fucking weird ... deal with it.) I am going to be making a cheesecake and some peanut (actually, pecan) brittle to(day)morrow as well. I'll have a report later.

---

Couple of things on the home front (like you give a shit.) The future ex told me the other day that she really wished I'd find someone soon and get out of her hair. Couldn't wait until it happened in fact. Don't know what to think about that but ... whatever. If that's the way she wants it.
Also found out my 16 year old discovered her password and is going into her Yahoo and AOL accounts reading her e-mails and IM archives trying to find out what is going on with her and a "friend" she has been talking to on the internet. She has met this 'friend'. He was in our area on business and made a special side-trip here just to spend a little time with her.
I have to admit something and I know it's wrong, but there is a small part of me that gets a little pleasure out of that. On two separate occasions she has snooped through my e-mails and personal stuff looking for evidence of wrong doing. Yeah, she found it both times but still there is a part of me that feels like saying: "See mother fucker? Now YOU know what it feels like to have someone snooping in your shit!" But that is petty and wrong and I can't justify or excuse his actions toward her no matter what she has done in the past.
My son is so pissed at her! They can't even talk. They always end up screaming at each other. He thinks she is being a hypocrite by lying to him about her relationship with her buddy (he says that it's obvious from her e-mails that they are more than just friends) and then demanding that he be forthright and honest with her about stuff. He is so pissed at her, he won't hardly stay in the same room with her.
It doesn't help, of course, that she was looking for a pair of tweezers in his room a few weeks ago and found (and read) a private note from his GF to him. She called him on some of the stuff in the letter and the fight was on. It was right after that when he started reading her shit. Tit for tat kinda.
I don't know what to think about that either. On the one hand, she is his mother and as such has the right to go through his room. On the other hand, She should only do that if there is reason to suspect he is doing something wrong or that will get him in trouble ... harm him in some way. If she didn't suspect anything and there was no outward sign of trouble, he does have a right to some privacy. As far as I know, there was no valid reason for her to read the note other than she is his mother, helps pay the rent and believes that gives her the right to do it.
They were fighting about that tonight, really fighting. He screamed at her at one point "That note didn't look anything like a pair of tweezers!" and he's right. But really? I have to side with his mom whenever it gets to the point of disrespect towards her. I try and play referee, letting them go at it but stepping in if it gets out of hand. I also play peace maker by separating them and talking to them individually, trying to get them calmed down and talking to each other like adults.
You see, I understand what he is saying. It would be the same thing as me telling him that stealing is wrong and then shoplifting in front of him when we go to Wal-Mart.
He is convinced that she and her friend are BF/GF and that she is making plans to move to the west coast to be with him. He feels disrespected by being held to a standard (having to tell the truth and be honest with her) that he feels she is ignoring herself (by insisting the two of them are nothing more than friends even though he insists he has read letters and conversations that tell a different story.) I don't know what the truth is because I have never looked for myself. All I know is what the two of them tell me about the "evidence" and they tell different stories. I can't tell you what the truth is.)
He doesn't want to move again and says he won't. Especially if it's so she can marry or take up with another man. He is pissed at her, she is pissed at him and I am left stuck in the middle worrying that when the time comes and I am not around, she is going to lose him. I don't see how they can continue the way they are going. It's almost like they hate each other and it scares me to death. It doesn't help that he has the same personality traits that my genes imprinted on him. Even his grandmother says he is just like me when I was that age (minus the drugs, truancy, shoplifting, smoking, drinking and other really nasty habits.)
It worries me that he seems to have lost all respect for her and doesn't want anything to do with her or her "friend." I would let him live with me if he chose but I may be moving to Dallas soon and even though I'm not doing it to marry or take up with another woman, it would still mean a move and that is just despicable to him.
I don't know what his choosing to come with me would do to his mother either. I think it would kill her to lose her marriage and then her son too and I KNOW that is the way she would take it. The answer is probably counseling for the whole freaking lot of us but there is hardly money in the budget for that. I don't know what the solution is but something has to be done ... and soon. I just hope the anger, distrust and hatred have not caused irreparable harm to their relationship.
I wish I could turn the clock back and make all of this better ... make it go away. But I can't. Maybe it's the realization that the marriage is really and truly over ... there is no repair possible, no do-overs, mulligans or reconciliation ... but we are finally admitting, finally coming to understand that after 21 years of marriage, 26 years of being together, there are still many ways that we are strangers to each other. We are coming to the conclusion (or at least I am) that we have both been pretending everything was fine just to stay together and keep the peace. We've been lying to each other and acting like nothing was wrong. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe she had no clue that anything was wrong. Whatever the case, it almost worked ... almost.
What's the solution? Where do we go from here? I don't know. I feel like I'm adrift in a fog with sharks surrounding the raft and there's a big, leaky hole in the bottom letting in water faster than I can bail it out.
I don't want to be at work but I don't want to be at home, I don't want to be around other people but I don't want to be alone, I don't want to see my son and my wife at each others throats anymore, I don't wanna die a little more each day knowing that she's falling in love with him and he's falling in love with her, I don't wanna hurt anymore knowing that I could have had it all but fucked it up beyond repair, I don't wanna hurt anyone else ... ever, I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to be. I just want to disappear.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

So I was commenting back and forth the other day with my good friend Felicity and one of us used a poker term. Well we talked a little and decided to play a little strip poker for HNT tonight. Here's my best poker face.

You know what Kenny Rogers says: "You gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold them." Wanna see what the champ is holding? Click around and see what you can find. Who knows, I may even "raise" you. I know I'll call at least. Oh and check out Felicity and see what she's holding. Wanna deal yourself in? Go see the banker and get you a hand full of chips. It's anybody's game ... winner takes all. That can't be a bad thing can it? HHNT everybody and Happy Halloween!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (27)

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

This touches my heart and so have all of you today. I appreciate all your words even if I don't feel like I deserve them. You only know part of the story behind yesterday's post. There is much more that I can't and won't share and I'm not proud of it at all.
You see that last stanza up there? Right now my answer is "No!" and I don't know if or when it will ever be yes again.
To You: I know you'll never believe it, but I never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did. Thanks for the good times we shared and I hope you have a great life. Even after all that's happened between us, I still honestly believe you deserve that and wish it for you. Maybe now that I'm gone, you'll finally be able to achieve it.
Love,
Me

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this or not but I love to cook. I am a total foodie. I couldn't tell you what happened on Grey's Anatomy or NCIS last week, two shows I really do love, but I can tell you what Alton Brown cooked for the last five days. That's right, I'm admitting it. Most of the time, my television is on the Food Network. I also have an unquenchable desire to learn and better myself. I started college at the tender age of 34. That was ten years ago. I graduated at the age of 40. Now of course I had a full time job and a family I was trying to provide for at the time. I have the distinct honor of being the first member of my family to graduate college ... ever! I am very proud of that but I want more. I want to get a Master's degree so bad I can taste it. I don't really know in what yet, but I want one and I am going to get one. The only thing I would be able to get here in Hicktown is a degree in Military History (yeah, there is a HUGE demand for those folks, right?) or business. The history degree actually would be something I enjoy but I just don't think the military part would do me much good in the job market and I really am not a businessman. I am kind of an artsy-fartsy kinda guy. Don't get me wrong. I could do it and do it well! I just don't think I would enjoy it and if that's the case ... why bother. Life is just too fucking short if you know what I mean.

warning: What follows is long and gets very deep and personal. I really get emotionally nekkid. Toward the end of this post you may get pissed off and some of you may not want to know me or have me as a friend anymore. If that's the way it ends up, that's okay. I'm a big boy and can handle it. Just don't say you haven't been warned.

I have applied for a job in Irving, Texas and am under consideration for that. I don't know when I'll find out about it and I may not get it at all. Who knows. I know that if I do get it, it will mean a chance to go back to school and get a degree in a field I want it in. There are several colleges including the University of Texas that I could choose from and it would be much easier than trying to go online and having to choose the lesser of several evils.
Until then I still want to learn so I have been taking online computer classes in web design from a community college in Dallas. I am also taking a photoshop class and really hope to boost my web design skills and maybe even start a business on the side one day.
In the meantime, while I am stuck here in Hicksville, I have an opportunity to do something I know I would absolutely LOVE doing. One of the colleges on post offers an associates degree in culinary arts. It specializes in pastry making and, oh yeah, in case I forgot to mention it? I.LOVE.TO.BAKE! I'm damn good at it too.
My favorite new show on the Food Network is called "Ace of Cakes." It stars Duff Goldman, a rock 'n roll, welder who owns Charm City Cakes in Baltimore. They make extreme cakes and Duff has become my new hero since the show's inception. I wanna be like him when I grow up. So I think I am putting the Master's degree on the back burner and enrolling in culinary school. I will get the Master's degree if it takes me until I'm 50, but I am going to do this first.

The Karma part

I was talking to a couple of fellow bloggers today and one of them brought up the subject of karma. She said she must have done some really nasty shit in a former life because she was still paying for it in this one. That really got me to thinking. I have had something happen to me lately that proves to me that karma is biting me right in the ass.
You know that I am getting divorced. Well it's been coming for about ten years now. See ten years ago I had an affair. It lasted about a year and I finally got caught. The kids were younger then and my wife and I decided to stay together and work it out. Fast forward ten years. I meet another girl. I fell in love with this girl, hard. She was smart, beautiful, strong, funny ... I don't want to say everything I was looking for, becasue I don't think I was looking for anything in particular at the time. We complemented each other so well, it just seemed that we were meant to be together. She felt like home to me.
My wife found out the depth of my feelings for her and for a few months we went back and forth. She told me I had to give the girl up. That was the only thing that would fix our marriage. I chose not to give her up and the decision to divorce was the result of that choice.
What's my point? Well for one thing, I know exactly how my wife felt when she found out about us. It doesn't feel very good and I'm sorry I did that to her. I'm not looking to get back together with my wife. Our marriage is over and it's totally my fault. She will never be able to trust me again and I can't fault her for that nor can a marriage survive that lack of trust. It's something that can't be gotten over. She is the innocent in all this in that she never was unfaithful in the 21 years we were married. The marriage wasn't perfect but she was true through it all.
I know some of you will see me in a different light now and may not want to come by, talk to me or have me as a part of your circle. That's okay and I will understand if that's the way you feel.
Just a few words of warning from a man who has learned a valuable lesson late in life. Karma is a real bitch and will bite you in the ass if you give it a reason to. Trust me on this, the scales have to be balanced and the pendulum is cutting my ass in half as we speak. So be careful how you live your life and try to live a good one.
If you stuck with me through all this, thank you. I needed to get that off my chest. It's been eating at my guts for a month or so. But now it's time for me to shut the fuck up and get on with life. The scales are out of balance and I need to do something to fix that. I wonder if I could bribe the gods with a nice slice of homemade cheesecake. Hey, it can't hurt can it?

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

So apparently my problem is A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. Let me explain. I have been making an attempt to blog something at least every other day. Last week, I hit a stride where I was posting every DAY. It felt pretty good. Yesterday comes and I have this great post planned out. It was random crap and I notice that I'm doing more of those lately so I created a new category for it. Well, I had a question and hit the help menu on my publishing platform only to get a 404 error. This kinda pissed me off! I did some detective work and saw that somehow the help documentation didn't get downloaded when I initially installed the system. So I immediately start a search and rescue mission to see if I didn't just put it in the wrong place. I didn't. It looked like I didn't have it anywhere so I got on the website of the provider to see if the file was downloadable. While there I remembered (mainly because I ran across a page that mentioned it) that my publishing platform had an upgrade that I needed to install. So off I go, downloading, unzipping and trying to remember how I did the last upgrade. I mean there are over 1300 files in the upgrade and I don't wanna replace them manually. I'm a busy man, I have a post to write for you fabulous people after all. What do they say? When in doubt, read the instructions. So I'm reading the installation instructions to see if I can't figure it out and flipping back and forth between windows and realize that one of my plugins isn't working anymore. So I do some investigation and can't find anything wrong. I guess it just doesn't work with the upgrade (the last upgrade. I still haven't figured out how to install the latest upgrade yet.) So I'm surfing the plugin library and dicking around in my publisher to see if I can get it to work or at least add some more "gee whiz" shit to improve my blog when a window pops up that says McAfee has found a suspicious file and I should run a scan. I run the scan and while that is going on I remember that I wanted to get a registry cleaner to take care of some maintenance on the laptop. Off I go to google some free registry cleaners, which reminded me of an article I had read by a computer columnist that made some recommendations on this very subject! I finally found the article and she had links to all the recomendations so I downloaded a bunch of them. I ran those scans and got my registry shit cleaned up a bit and was happy about that. So I decided to utilize my free music downloads from Walmart for buying 12-packs of Coke products. (two songs per 12 pack and I had four 12 packs in the garage. Shit that's almost a CD ya'll!) Of course that involves downloading and installing yet another program. I am doing that and at the same time trying to do some organization of my files. See I have this 160 gig hard drive that I use for storage and hadn't organized anything in a while. I finally got that taken care of and was pretty happy. In the midst of all this, I inadvertently open up my browser which is open to my Bloglines page. (It's a great service. If you surf a lot of blogs, it would be worth looking into.). Well damn! I see some of you have posted and I start reading. Reading leads to following links and before I know it, I'm thinking about entering a photo contest I saw by following one of the links. My ass is asleep ( you laugh but literally ... my gluteus maximus is tingling) so I get up, grab the tripod, fire up the camera and embark on a quest for some awesome macro photographs that will win me millions of dollars and allow me to quit work and blog full time and get little Timmy that operation he needs so badly. (The top pic is one of them. See the continuation for more pics.) I'm taking pictures and my computer lets me know that Adaware has finished its scan. I give up the photograhy and get back down to the computer. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up surfing again and following more links and just happen to realize that it's awful quiet in the house. I look up at the clock and then back down at the screen. I see I've been surfing porn for the past hour or so and never commented on the posts I read. SHIT! I go back and comment on some of them. The original virus scan finally finishes and tells me the suspicious file is ... (are you ready?) freaking Limewire. All that worry for nothing. Of course by the time I remembered my original plan was to post a brilliant post that would keep you laughing and talking around the water cooler all week, It was 3 a.m. and I forgot what the fuck I was going to blog about anyway. I decided to call it a night and head to bed. So you tell me ... A.D.D. or A.D.H.D or am I just nucking futz? I know what I'd put my money on if I were a betting man. Today is another day though and it's a good one so far. Yesterday's rain turned into today's sunshine and much cooler weather. So far, I've made an orange cheesecake from scratch, the Houston Texans beat the Jacksonville Jaguars and most importantly of all, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Philadelphia Eagles! Life is good. Now I'm off to see if my kid knows a kid who knows someone that can get me some cheap Ritalin. How was your weekend?

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

I went and got my haircut today. Not a big deal really. I usually get it cut pretty short when I do get it cut. This serves a dual purpose. First, it's easy to take care of. Just a quick wash in the shower, run a towel and brush through it and hit the road. Secondly, it means I don't have to get it cut but maybe every month to six weeks. Yeah, I'm all about saving the money for important shit like ... well, just important shit. Know what I mean? BIlly's Barber Shop has been the shop as long as I can remember. Everybody who is anybody in town knows him and gets their hair cut there. It's not a salon or some fru-fru place. They don't do mani-pedis while you get your hair cut. You can't buy Paul Mitchell products there. What you can get there is a good haircut at a decent price and all the talk you can swap back and forth about every thing from the Wampus Cat's chances this weekend to the War in Iraq or Pluto being stripped of planetary status. A real honest to God, country style barber shop.

Do you take a number when you walk in? Not at Billy's! You come in and look to see who's already there. When all those people are gone, it's your turn and you're expected to keep up with who comes in after so no one jumps line. Finally it's your turn in the chair. As you walk up you are met with a smile, a "How do you do?" and a "How you want it today?" I don't wanna say it's a real man's place but it really is. That doesn't mean that women don't go there too! A lot of women line up at Billy's to get their hair cut. (There's gotta be a joke in there somewhere ... 'where the men are men and the women are too' maybe? I dunno)

So today I'm sitting there, listening to everyone talk about the homecoming parade and other celebrations going on this weekend. Billy is cutting my hair and just being in the chair relaxed me enough that I almost dozed off! (W.T.F.! Either I need some serious stress reduction or need to start getting to bed before 3 a.m.) Actually it got me to thinking and I figured out that every time I sit in one of his chairs it has the same effect on me.
There is something almost hypnotic about having my hair cut. When the comb slides through my hair and across my scalp, I get shivers up and down my spine and goosebumps break out all over. When the electric clippers touch the back of my neck or vibrate against my ears as he's blocking my hairline, the same thing. Strange? I think not. Why not? Well I'll tell ya.
It's comfortable and just sooooo ... zen-like! I never really felt that way when I went to Fantastic Sam's or some other salon-type establishment. Getting a hair cut at Billy's is kinda like mama's cooking. You know the feeling you get when you walk through the door and the smell of roasting meat, fresh bread and the familiar smell and feel of family hits you in the face? It's like that. It's meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy and macaroni and cheese rolled up into one... it's comfort food for the soul.
I do have a point here. I bitch ... a LOT ... about the lack of amenities in the small town area I find myself in. We don't even have a Starbucks for Christ's sake. If I want to go to a bookstore, I have to drive an hour and 15 minutes south of here. We have six or seven choices of places to eat and the biggest one is Ryan's Steak House. It's pretty pathetic. But there are sometimes when I kinda like living here.
Do you know I can drive up to a corner store and leave my car running, unlocked, with the keys in it while I run and do my shopping and it'll still be waiting for me when I get back? It's true. I can drive across town and back home again in 20 minutes during the heaviest traffic of the day? And? I can go to a place and be greeted by name as I walk through the door, relax to the point of almost napping while someone weedwhacks my unruly mop back into manageable shape and maybe ... just maybe ... solve some of the world's problems in the bargain. Sometimes? Country life is good. There really are places where everybody knows your name. Oh and in case you're wondering, the consensus is that the Wampus Cats have a good chance of winning tonight ... gentlemen, place your bets.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Ok. So we had 12 inches of rain Monday. Everything flooded including my parents house. Mom said they had an inch of water covering the floor. Dad spent all day ripping up carpet and tossing the ruined shit that was stored in the bottom of the closet. There is a creek that runs behind their house and 15 years ago it used to flood when it sprinkled. They did some work downstream, straightening out the creek bed and dredging it a bit and that solved the problem ... until Monday. I told mom not to be spending my inheritance before I had a chance to lay hands on it. I don't think she was impressed.
Yesterday was picture perfect. Not a cloud in the sky and in the 80's. It was beautiful ... except this is fucking OCTOBER! Isn't it supposed to be getting cooler? Sometimes I hate living in the south ... not really but you get my drift.
Today was cloudy and the rain started again in the afternoon. They don't expect it to be as bad as Monday but the ground is saturated and there is nowhere for the new shit to go. We will see how that pans out. Cross your fingers for me, 'kay? One good side effect though ... temp tonight and all day tomorrow will not get out of the sixties (or so they say. Pfffft! I'll believe it when I feel it.)
Now the HNT. I was taking pictures of the yard and the rain the other day. I don't know how this ended up in my camera becasue I didn't take it but I thought it was a pretty cool pic anyway. Check it out.

Don't have a clue do ya? It's my knee in the rain! Really I have no idea how it got taken either. Oh well ... it qualifies. So where's your nekkidness? wanna get in on the fun and games? Go see the King of HNT and tell him you wanna play. Let's get nekkid ya'll! WOO-HOO! HHNT!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (31)

WOW! Look what I learned to do properly in Photoshop! YAY ME! Michelle showed me how to do it. You can see some of her work at her gallery.

Guess I should probably think about getting some real work done huh? **sigh** Almost time to go home. I forsee a whole lot of time spent between me and Photoshop in the near future. Hey! Your tax dollars at work.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 3:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

It has been raining all day and is expected to rain all night as well. Every street is flooded and creeks are overflowing their banks. My mom called a while ago and the only place they don't have water in the house is the living room. There have been tornado watches (not warnings, watches) and the electricity has flickered on and off all day. I'm getting tired of resetting alarm clocks. Ya'll might wanna think about sending in life jackets and life rafts. I'm gonna brave the woods with my trusty axe and start building the ark ... I'm sure we'll need it soon. Don't believe me? Here is photographic evidence. Yeah it doesn't look that bad but consider this ... we are on the HIGH ground. HELP!

Flood plain? What flood plain?

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 6:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

• Friday was our homecoming game. For the first time this year, the entire family went as a unit. It was a pretty good night as far as family time goes. We went to support Ray Gunn who is in the band. They were supposed to put on a good halftime show. I gotta tell you, it's a good thing the band is pretty good because the football team SUCKS ASS! We have lost every game this year ... in fact, we've only scored 17 points the whole year. We suck. So you'd figure for homecoming, they'd schedule some scrub team in to ensure they got a win, right? That's the way it normally works but not us. We scheduled a team, the Eunice Tigers to be exact, and they came in and stomped our asses 36 to zip. It was truly sad. The team and coaching staff looked like they wished they were anywhere else ... no emotion, just ... resignation. Oh well, there's always next year I suppose. A funny thing I noticed though. When they introduced the homecoming court and told the girl's favorite pastimes, there was the normal shit like "I like to text and hang out wth my friends. I like Myspace." But the funniest thing I heard was that all of them, every last one of them, listed (drumroll please ...) hunting as a favorite thing to do. Hunting ... with guns ... and small animals. I guess I have a confession to make. My name is Tommy. I am a redneck and I live in Hickville, U.S.A. Thanks for noticing. Oh and they took so much time on the homecoming court that the band didn't even get to perform their show. PISSED. ME. OFF. Here's a picture of Ray Gunn in his uniform anyway.
  





• Overheard in my great aunt's living room as we were watching a TV commercial for new TVs: Him: "Well look at the picture on that one. It's much better than ours." Her:"I think you're right! It does look better."
• I've been taking a web design class and a CSS class on the web lately and am really learning a lot. I have been tinkering with my template, just doing some minor things. I have found out that "website coding time" is the same as "darkroom time." I look up and it's freaking 3 in the morning and I have no idea how it got to be that late. Psycho, huh? Just to let you know, my links are no longer underlined but they will be italicized so if you see italics, chances are it's a link. They are also red which might be a dead giveaway. I'm not sure.
  I am wanting to put drop-down link boxes for my blogroll, archives and other sidebar stuff that could get long. If anyone can help me with the code for that, I would certainly appreciate it. Hell, there might even be sexual favors in it for ya! Riiiiiiiight! E-mail me please if you can help and I will forever be in your debt. Thanks.
• The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the New Orleans Saints both won today so there is joy in the Gunn household tonight. And speaking of joy ...
• It's cool, drizzly and overcast and I have a huge pot of homemade chicken and choriso gumbo (made from scratch ... not out of a box or bag) on the stove. I'm about to tuck into it with great gusto and relish. Oh and did I mention I have a homemade lemon cheesecake (from scratch again) for desert with peanut brittle ice cream? Friends I tell you, life rarely gets better than this. Have a great Sunday and get some sleep tonight. I have it on good authority that some of you actually have to work tomorrow. Pffft! The nerve of some bosses. Well, I'll be thinking of you. Ciao dahlings!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 4:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Clicky, Click to embiggen.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This photo was taken on March 29 of this year:

This picture was taken Oct. 11 of this year ...

Who is that fat mother fucker in the top shot? I know you probably get tired of hearing about it, but it fucking amazes me how much weight I've lost. Sorry if I keep harping on it but I really can't believe it. Truth be told, I'm gonna ask the doc if there might be something external causing it or if it's just the stress of my life right now. I'm starting to wonder a little. Okay, I'm done now. Have a good weekend. I'm gonna go get some ice cream.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

It's Friday again and I was up till about 3 a.m. dicking around with my template. Don't believe me? Look at the time stamp. Yeah I forgot the Ambien until it was waaaaaay too late. So in honor of me being a non-inspired fucktard, I made up a day ... hell, everybody else does it. Why not? I call it Foto Friday and it means I'm just gonna throw a bunch of shit pictures up there and hope you buy it and comment. Ha! wonder if I'll fool 'em. (Did I really say that out loud? Shit I gotta get to bed!) So here you are. Enjoy!

So there you have it ... Foto Friday (Gimme a break. At least it's alliterative!) Cuz, really? I got nuttin else. LOL. Happy Friday the 13th Mr Vorhees. Try and have a good weekend ya'll!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 2:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

What to say, what to say? I sit here and the blank page stares back at me, mocking me, teasing me, taunting me. How many times have we all sat here staring at a blank screen wondering what the hell we're gonna write about today?

Gratuitous Shot
"Blowin' in the Wind"

I just went back and looked. It amazes me to see that I started blogging on May 9, 2005. I actually found my way into blogging from an article I read about blogging and it had a link to "The Mudville Gazette." I didn't know a damn thing about it but it sounded cool so I started one. I started on blogger with "The Howling Cat." I just wanted a place to post all the articles I was writing for "The Guardian" so my family could read them ... it was a good plan, I thought, as the paper didn't have a website at the time. But a funny thing happened on the way to the forum as the man said.
I found the "next blog" button in the navigator bar at the top and was exposed to a veritable cornucopia of blogs. I spent hour after hour surfing blogs. I got a serious itch and wanted to scratch it so bad it hurt ya'll! It was eating at my soul. But the problem was ... the things I wanted to say, really weren't for public consumption, especially not for my extended family. So I started another that was the precursor to this one ... "Tommy Gunn's 'Dark Side of the Room".
Long story short, It was FREEDOM! Damn! I could write whatever I wanted and it felt good! I had some pretty good posts and some lame ones but I was having a good time. Somewhere in there, I found HNT. Jesus ... man ... hot chicks posting half nekkid (and sometimes MORE than half nekkid) pictures. God I wanted to get in on it. I lurked for weeks before getting the testicular fortitude to join up. I was so scared when I posted my first HNT pic I was quaking in my boots. It was something stupid like my eye or something ... yeah, I never said I dove right in the deep end. I kinda inched my way in getting used to it bit by bit.
I met a lot of people through HNT and my blogroll grew as the weeks went by. I was going back and reading some of these people on a regular basis. They were talented and I longed to join their ranks and be counted among their blogrolls. I was a comment whore but I did my best to return the favor. I visited hundreds of blogs and made a lot of good friends who I e-mail and chat with on a regular basis. I mean, shit ya'll! It opened a whole new world to me! I can't imagine what I would be doing had I not taken that first step and put fingers to keyboard.
I love you all (although not as much as I'd like to love some of you if you know what I mean.) and thank you for being there during good times and bad; through thick and through thin; through creativity and those times when the muse abandoned me. You have made me a richer person and I thank you for that. In celebration of friendships, I give you Tommy ... the "Here's looking at you kid" edition.

Thank you for being a friend and
HHNT Ya'll!

I want to thank Os, the great and terrible, the father of HNT, for starting the madness that introduced me to all the friends I've made over the past year and a half. Go see him and get in on the fun. Also for your perusal, I posted another pic in a special corner of the web. Hope you enjoy it. Any questions (or propositions) can be addressed to the e-mail address at the top of the sidebar. Yeah, I'm still a whore! HHNT and we'll see ya'll on the web somewhere ... unless we meet IRL ... but that's a whole other post. **snicker, snicker** Laters.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)

Almost every day on the way home from work, I take this road that bypasses the heart of the town I live in. It's a nice drive -- rural, light traffic, peaceful and no red lights. That's why I take it. On the outskirts of my town, we have a paper mill. That means log trucks all over the place coming and going to the mill, dropping off loads of trees for processing. This road is one of the main entrances to the plant so it is heavily travelled by these big behemoths, many of whom are ... well, lets just say interpreting the speed limit in a different way than I do. Okay? Okay!
About the halfway point in the shortcut, there is a small bridge over a tiny creek. On the hillside next to the bridge, in the shade of several unruly, bushy shrubs are a trio of crosses. I don't know how it is where you come from, but in Louisiana, some families put crosses on the roadside where family members or friends have died. They can be simple or ornate but most fall somewhere in between. The families keep them up usually as a form of rememberance. Hell, I have even seen some that were permanent shrines with rock gardens and those plant/flower-holder thingies you see next to headstones in cemeteries!

These crosses are not like that. They are simple. Sticks of wood, screwed together and stuck in the ground. The paint that once covered them is cracked and peeling. God knows how long they have been there but they seem to have been untouched for a long time. I find that a little sad. Obviously if there are three crosses, there were three deaths. I assume they were in the same accident. Someone took the time to build, paint and plant them and now they sit, surrounded by weeds, neglected. So what happened to cause the person that built them to stop coming? Was it an old man who has since died? Was the person responsible for the upkeep so distraught they committed suicide or went insane? Or did life just ... move on? The survivors putting one foot in front of the other and continuing their journey?
I wonder these things every time I pass them. I prefer to think that the grief just ... faded. Days turned into months turned into years and every trip around the sun got a little more bearable. The family buried their dead and got on with living. Hey, it happens. People do it every day. Today I noticed among the weeds, wild flowers growing, insects going about their business, life teeming in the shadow of death. I saw lots of little things I never saw from the road. So what's the fucking point Tommy? I can hear you asking yourself that.



Well ... I don't know. I'm not the fucking hermit sitting on the mountain pontificating or dispensing wisdom on the meaning of life. Maybe it's a simple lesson. Life goes on. Just that. Life's pains, no matter if they make you feel your heart has been ripped out and shredded, pass. They fade like a lover's rose until one day you notice they don't hurt so much and realize you've moved on.
Maybe the point is that life is short. You never know when the log truck is gonna crest the hill and snuff you out like a candle in the window on a windy night. Have you done everything you wanted to do? The way you wanted to do it? Or have you gotten sidetracked by unimportant shit and left your hopes and dreams unattended on a hill, slowly getting swallowed by the weeds? It's never to late to pick them up, dust them off and start chasing them again. You'll be much happier, I think, when your time comes to exit this mortal coil knowing you chased the dragon and gave it the fight of your life. I know I will be. At least I hope to have fought the good fight.
And finally, maybe the point is that sometimes you have to get off the busy highway and get into the weeds to see the details that make up the big picture. I never noticed all the new life surrounding the crosses on the hill until I parked and walked up to them with eyes open ... really looking around. Sometimes I think we get so caught up with the big picture that we don't see the tiny details. We're speeding down the highway of life, striving to get to the destination at the end of the day and miss all the great stuff that's just a few feet off the highway.
Or maybe I'm full of shit and needed something to post about. More pics on Flickr if you're interested. Have a good weekend everybody. I'm gonna find some weeds to crawl around in. I think I saw an old dream hiding in there somewhere.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)

I decided to play right at the last minute. I had a couple of articles to write tongight for tomorrows paper. Yeah, I don't know nuttin about procrastination do I? There's been a lot going on in my life lately ... the divorce, some other love issues, finding out I'm a co-dependent kinda guy and showing a little obsessive behavior toward a friend. So I went to Doctor Feelgood to see if maybe there was something wrong or whether it was all in my head. She seemed to think there was at least depression and possibly more. After making sure I hadn't had any thoughts about hurting myself (no worries there, I'm really to big a pussy, plus I couldn't even THINK about doing that to my kids. I may be crazy but i ain't selfish or unfeeling) she put me on Wellbutrin and gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. The first appointment available was November 20. Right before the holidays. I should really need it by then! In betwen now and then there is gonna be a lot of introspective self-examination. To illustrate that and for tonight's HNT offering, I give you Tommy by candlelight ...

In other good news, I weighed 188 pounds. That's only 3 pounds above my fighting weight when I got out of Army basic training. I figure 3 more pounds and I'll be happy. I am 5' 11" and that should be a pretty good weight for me to hold ... maybe. The next step is getting back into the gym and working on getting some of that extra skin tightened up and building some curves to break up the "Olive Oyl" body style. It's funny. I have lost 44 pounds and my wife says I still look fat. What do you think?

So there you have it. My HNT offering. Well? What are you waiting for? Go see the Wizard of Os and get nekkid yourself! It's really liberating! HHNT all. Now I'm off to bed.

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

So, I come home from work yesterday to an empty house. Not really a big deal as that happens quite frequently these days. Oldest son is feeding the economy, working at Wally-Mart and youngest is usually feeding his hormones (don't even get me started) with his GF somewhere. He has been hanging out with her lately and not calling, checking in or even telling anyone where he's at. He usually shows up (hungry, like I'm a fucking short order cook. HA!) about 8:30 p.m. This has been pissing me off so I told him he better be home when I got home from then on ... 6 p.m. at the latest. Yesterday I walk through the door and holler. No answer. I make my way to his bedroom. The door is locked but I can hear that the T.V. is on. I beat on the door and beat on the door. Still? No answer. I walk outside and check his window. It's unlocked so I slide it up and take a look around ... no son. My blood pressure hits the fucking ceiling and I am pissed! So I head back into the living room and continue reading my Anita Blake, vampire hunter novel, stewing in my own juices all the while. About 8:20 p.m., I hear the door open and here he comes, shirt off, rubbing his eyes. "So what's up?" I ask innocently. "Nuttin. I took a Tylenol PM and fell asleep." he lies without missing a beat. Luckily, in Louisiana, the decaying bodies buried in the swamp usually attract alligators so there shouldn't be any evidence left. Now I just need someone to take his place in the band so he won't be missed. Must be proficient at piccolo, flute, sax and piano. Good benefits with a great retirement plan. Fucking liars need not apply. Applications will be taken through the end of the week so get those resumes in order and show me what you got. Here's a little something to listen to while you get that paperwork in order.

Blue October
Hate Me

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 8:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Yep. It's official ... I'm a psycho! Don't believe me? Read on McDuff.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Editor's Note: I think this means "Red Flag Ladies! Take heed and take cover" Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Nuff said!

Posted by Tommy Gunn at 5:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)