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I have nothing to do. I have no assignments at work and nothing I could be working on. My office is clean and I have been catching up on blogs and IMing all day. My office is spotless so I don't even have that to do and yet I'm stuck here until I'm released. I should feel guilty but I don't. Your federal tax dollars at work.
I am on day 11 of my sobriety. It has been okay so far. I literally shook for the first three days or so. The next several were fine. My attitude is clearing up, my mind started reordering itself and I started the road toward making up for a lot of stupid and destructive shit that I did while drunk. Last night was the first night I really felt the urge to drink ... but I didn't and I'm glad for that.
I have been helping a friend study lately. It's a class in Government and it has really given me the bug to get back to school myself. I am going back for my Master's degree soon. I just need to figure out in what and what I am going to do with it. In the mean time, I am taking some computer classes starting the end of this month and going for a webmaster's certificate starting in September. Baby steps, baby steps.
I was also having a conversation with a friend the other day. I mentioned the fact that I feel like a hypocrite calling on God when I get in trouble or need something. Even when I ask him to help someone else who is having problems. The reason I feel like that is because I don't know if I believe anymore. Am I just hedging my bets? I don't know. Remember now I was studying to be a Baptist preacher at one point in my life. I know the Bible and I know about God. I am not an innocent neophyte who is wandering around in the wilderness. I've seen the map to the promised land and decided to go to Pismo Beach instead. (I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque!) It's also the reason I don't feel comfortable in church. I know the words, the ceremonies ... all of it. I can fake it with the best of them, but I still feel like I need a shower afterwards like I've soiled myself. Is that wrong? Tell me what you think.
I have been reading an inordinate amount of books lately. Laurell K. Hamilton to be exact. Four this past weekend alone. I am on the last one the library has in stock. Thanks babydoll for turning me on to her, now send me some books before I go into withdrawl! If you like vampires, werewolves, other creatures of the night, magic and sex ... give her a shot. I bet you'll be hooked too.
I have decided as well to start writing poetry and drawing again. I'll post the poetry as soon as I am satisfied with it but getting back into the swing of things after such a long absence is a little daunting. There is a lot of rust to knock off before the machine will be running smoothly so be patient, okay?
I have no idea what I'm doing this weekend. Maybe I'll hit I-20 West and keep driving until I run into something big. Maybe I'll just sit home and grill some brats up. We'll see. So what do you have planned? Have a great weekend and I'll see you on the other side.
Love,
Me